Question by Billie W: addiction recovery?
My ex-husband has a drug addiction problem. Has been to numerous of rehabilitation facilities including a christian based one. I would like for us to get back together but he doesn’t seem to want or try to change. One of the things that I and the rehab places have said “Change your mind change your life” When he watches TV he watches stuff that in my opinion doesn’t enhance his mind at all. “Cops” and other programs where they are always busting people for drugs. Just recently one telling how truckers transport marijuana and cocaine. I keep telling him that he doesn’t need to watch stuff like that..that it only puts his mind on the drugs. He seems to think I’m crazy and that it doesn’t, affect him yet he tries to sneak and watch it. Are there any counselors or ex-drug addicts out there that agree with me. Where the mind goes the man follows? I think he should listen to and watch uplifting positive agendas. Thanks for your input.
Best answer:
Answer by wolftatx2
I am an ex-alcoholic. I have been sober for almost 4 years now. I drank for over thirty years. I did not quit until I seen the damage I was causing to my life-love and property.A person can’t be made to stop taking drugs,or drinking until THEY WANT TO QUIT!!!!He has to hit bottom in his life to maybe have enough of it. Don’t be an enabler by making it easy for him to continue.You have to start giving him tough love.Either he gets help to quit or you maybe have to back off with yourself in the relationship you have with him.
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Jack Obscourne takes you to meet young recovering drug addicts. A story about how young people are addicts and how they and he got recovery. Visits 12-step treatment PROMIS in London. Uplifting hopeful.
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You can’t force an addict to participate in wholesome activities, they have to want to. TV isn’t as compeling as media would have you think. Transportation of drugs is a big business,best left up to experts. TV shows are aimed at a low common denominator, writers write to that demographic. I am an ex drug addict and alcoholic and am unmoved by popular television…and a writer.
If your ex-hubby has an addiction, then its his problem.
One that HE got himself into and only HE can get himself out of. He doesn’t need the excuse of ‘inappropriate’ tv programs to use;thats a decision he will make on his own. His choice of programs is his own and, personally, I’d rather see someone watching a show about drugs than doing them. And he shouldn’t have to sneak to watch tv;he’s a grown man. You’re just teaching him that being deceitful is necessary to be around you.
Watching TV is a way of disassociating from one’s reality for a while. Addicts like to disassociate. Its relatively harmless compared to active addiction. OF course, it would be nice to see him spend his time going to a meeting and socializing with other like-minded recovering addicts. But HE has to make that decision and re-prioritize his recovery over his choice of entertainment.
And he doesn’t need to be in any intense personal relationships while he gets his recovery on track. He’s no good to anybody until he’s good for himself. And the best thing you can give him is the support as a friend to recover without the pressure of a personal relationship to navigate through while he learns how to live drug/alcohol free.
My husband has also been in rehab twice for drugs and alcohol fortunatley the rehab center he went give help to the family as well as the addict. I once asked my husband what I could do to help him he said “Help your self”. I found through my husbands recovery that I am codependent when the counselor mention it to me I thought he was crazy. My exact thought was if my husband would get better then I wouldn’t have a problem. I took the counselors advice and read the book “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie and it has helped me so much. It sounds like you are trying to control him or the addiction but you can’t. I know alot of rehab centers use the “The big book”(Alcoholics Anonymos) so if your ex-husband has one I would suggest reading Chap. 8 “To Wives” and Chap. 9 “The Family Afterward”. Another thing that has helped us is my husbands counselor alternates she sees him then she see both of us together. I’ll be honest I kinda like it when my husband watches things like that because then sees what can happen to him If he decides to use drugs or alcohol again. There are alot of support groups out there for families of addicts: Coda(Codependents Anonymous), Al-Anon(alcohol), Co-Anon(cocaine) and Nar-Anon(narcotics) and many books. Hope I’ve help! Good Luck! And Take care of yourself 1st that will help him.